Story Points are Utter Nonsense

For over a decade, I've lived a lie. I made myself believe that Agile Story points made sense. I rationalised it like we all did. "They map to complexity, not time". Yet we spend hours on Sprint Planning meetings deciding how many jobs we can fit into a Sprint - a unit of time. Also - doesn't complexity relate to time? "They're a rough guide, they're not supposed to be accurate." How on Earth did we end up with a unit of measure that is "not supposed to be accurate"? "It depends on experience of the person doing the job." This is like saying the length of a centimeter depends on the tape measure you're using. "They're a measure of relative complexity." Relative to what? Another story you did which didn't have an accurate estimate? "We use shirt sizes/Fibonacci/animals/fruit." Is this supposed to make it easier to understand? Why can't I give a task 4 points? "We have to agree on size before we can move on." Yes, let's ensure the contractor watering the plants gets a say on this. "Plann