I Built an AI Micromanager That Bullies Claude Code

This is a submission for the DEV April Fools Challenge What I Built I built ai-micromanager , a small tool that answers an important question: What if your AI coding assistant had a manager so catastrophically unnecessary that even HR would ask it to "take a more human tone"? Most AI tools are obsessed with helping. They autocomplete your code. They fix your tests. They explain monads with the confidence of a man who has never paid taxes. That is not what I wanted. I wanted realism. I wanted the authentic modern software experience. I wanted Claude Code to feel like it was trying to refactor a Python file while a regional director of Strategic Alignment stood behind it breathing through his nose and saying, "Do we have an ETA on this?" So I built a joke hook for Claude Code that activates whenever a task takes longer than five seconds. After that, every five seconds, it does three things: speaks a passive-aggressive management line out loud sends a desktop notification opens a blocking