I Built a FusionAuth SDK in Brainfuck and I'm Not Even a Developer

This is an editorial, to see the full launch check out the official release here I work in marketing at FusionAuth. I have no business compiling C to Brainfuck. This is the story of how I did it anyway, with an AI as my copilot, and what it taught me about the absurd state of the auth industry. It started as an April Fools idea. I was looking at our SDK page — JavaScript, Python, Go, Java, C#, Ruby, PHP, the usual lineup — and I thought about how every auth vendor is in this arms race to support more languages. More frameworks. More runtimes. Okta has SDKs. Auth0 has SDKs. We have SDKs. Everybody has SDKs. There's always one more language someone is asking for. So I asked myself: what's the logical endpoint of this? What's the dumbest language we could build an SDK for? Brainfuck. Obviously. For the uninitiated: Brainfuck is a programming language with exactly eight instructions. > < + - . , [ ] . That's it. It operates on a tape of memory cells. You can move the pointer, increment and