Episode 1: I Was a Junior Developer and I Must Be Stopped

We all start somewhere. Some developers begin their careers writing clean, well-structured code, carefully following best practices, naming variables properly, and writing tests like responsible adults. Others start by shipping a few bugs here and there, learning, improving, and slowly developing their own style. And then there's me. Today, we are reviewing a function I wrote years ago that is somehow still running in production, untouched, unbothered, and — against all odds — still working. No one has dared to refactor it. No one has tried to rewrite it. It has achieved something most code never will: It became too scary to change. This function is called multipleUpdate . It lives in a Laravel application. It updates multiple items. I think. Here it is, in all its glory: public function multipleUpdate ( Scenario $scenario , Request $request ) { $r_arr = intval ( $request -> right_arr ); $id_array = $request -> item_number ?? $r_arr ; $name_ja_array = $request -> name_ja ?? null ; $nam